For a child who is used to getting all the attention, a new sibling can seem like competition. The older child may feel left out and pressured to grow up, which can create short-term and long-term problems for both siblings and parents.
As a parent, it might be challenging to give both children the amount and the type of attention they need. However, there are several ways to make all of your children feel valued.
Before the New Baby is Born: Involve your older children in the pregnancy process. You will have plenty of time from when you first know that a new baby is coming until the baby actually arrives, so use it to ease the transition. Try a few of the following ideas: o Explain the kinds of things that will happen before, when, and after the baby is born over and over so that your child is prepared for what can be confusing times. But leave a little room for the unexpected, e.g., a baby who has to stay in the hospital for a few days or weeks. o Avoid giving your child the idea that the baby will be "someone to play with" or "your best friend" right away - the younger your child is, the more crucial this is. Make sure your child understands that for weeks the new baby will only sleep, eat, look around, poop, pee, and cry. Be especially clear about the crying, i.e., explicitly tell your child that some babies cry a lot and that this is NOT the older child's fault or responsibility. o Get a baby doll and have your child practice taking care of the "baby." o Allow your child to come with you to prenatal appointments to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Take them to an ultrasound appointment. If you have a good friendly OB, CNP, or midwife, see if he or she will let your child "help" in some way. o Consider allowing your older child(ren) a say in naming the baby. This can be done by providing a list of names you wouldn't mind the baby having as a first or middle name and letting them choose the ones they really like. Ask for their input in designing and putting together the nursery. If this would work for you and your family, see if your child(ren) can attend the birth itself. o Read stories to your child about new babies that provide realistic descriptions about how new babies act and positive models for how older siblings should behave. Stay away from books that paint an unrealistically rosy picture or that make ambivalent feelings seem unacceptable. o Above all, keep all of this preparation brief, light-hearted and casual. Going on and on about it will bore some children and make others feel more anxious than prepared. 4. 2 Remind your child that he or she was a new baby once. Using age-appropriate and positive words, tell your child about his or her birth and what made it special. This will reassure your child of his or her importance to you, and help to make it clear why you're so excited about the new baby.
